joanna 的个人资料a la blondie照片日志列表更多  |  工具 帮助 |
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a la blondiewelcome to my world, we're gonna have a ball... 7月10日 quicklygood god i'm crap at keeping this updated!! soo... what's new? well, briefly, i have my final exam at uni next week, then that'll be 3 years done!! and i guess the big news is i'm nearly 6 months pregnant again! (although most of you know this already!). the grls can't wait- ken can't wait, and same goes for me too!! apart from that, things have been very hectic and tonight i'm off to amsterdam with mum for the weekend!! (shall be the first time ever i leave the kids and am feeling very nervous about it!). i guess one of th ereasons i haven't updated this in so long is i have been aware that certain people have been using it to check up on me and i couldn't be arsed with it!! (i have kept it public for now as my family often use it to see what's going on!). all i have to say is if you don't want to be in my life, don't bother with me, if you do, then ffs get in contact properly- i hold no grief, life is to short!!! ah well, this year has taught me to be a lot stronger and confident and i am proud of all the peoplei have in my life and am sending out big love to all!!! and a special kiss just for lauren. you know why babes, and when you left sunday, it brought a tear to my eye!! thank you so much, it meant the world!!! oh and anyone got any decent baby names suggestions? not long to go and the poor baby will nd up being named maraduke if i'm not quick....!!xx (best go pack suppose! miss you fella and kids already....................) 11月8日 hhmmok, so once again been along time, but you'll have to excuse me. have been so stressed out with uni i haven't had time to blink! i apologise to anyone that i have snapped at on the phone recently (i believe there has been a fair few!!). i will get my butt in gear and sort this out soon as sooo much has happened!!! x 9月24日 little jessismsright, have to type these before i forget--too much for a text and i can't stop laughing.
i shall name these little jessisms of the day. earlier, we were colouring pictures of donald and daisy duck and the conversation goes as follows:
'mum, why is daisy donald's girlfriend?' 'because he loves her like daddy loves mummy, and mummy is daddy's girlfriend' 'oh' *pauses* 'why does donald love daisy?' 'hhmm, cos she's his girlfriend' '0h' *pauses again* 'but mummy, why does donald love daisy and why is she his girlfriend?' 'umm, because' 'why?' 'oh god i don't know!!!' *pauses* 'mum' 'yes jess' 'why are daisy and donald riding on the same bike? (the picture was of them on a tandem) why is daisy in front? why don't they have their own? why are you colouring it all the same colour?' 'beacause they love each other and because i am' *pauses* 'why do they love each other?' '(i am near to despair now...) why do you love me jess?' 'cos you're my mummy and i love you very much' 'well then, because she is his girlfriend, they love each other very much' 'oh. why? how do you know they love each other?' now i am in despair and have no answer...i use this point to say 'mummy needs the toilet now' and hopes she forgets by the time i come back down... 'mummy, i want to be a mummy like you when i'm bigger' 'that's nice baby' 'i'm going to be a mummy joanna' 'no, you'll be a mummy jessica' 'no, i want to be a mummy joanna so i can be just like you. i don't want to be a mummy jessie' 'ah. um. hmm.' 'why is big jess having a baby?'
'because she wants one' 'why?' 'because she does' ' how did it get there?' 'umm, ask her' 'i don't like my name'
'why what's wrong with it? it's a beautiful name' ' i don't want to be jessica annora hopkins' 'oh right, so what do you want to be?' 'just jessie' 'oh right. ok then.' (five mins later)
'jess, what's your name?'
'(proudly) jessica annora hopkins' (i snigger) (on having her dinner of cottage pie and peas, and mine of soup and nuts)
'yuck. what's that?' 'soup jess' 'err that's yucky' 'cheers jess (she now says this every time i try and eat something)' 'what's that?' 'carrot' 'um yum i like carrot' 'do you want some?' 'no, it's yucky' ' why have you put swseeds in your soup?'
'because i have. i wnated them there' 'why?' 'because i like them and they're good for me' 'why?' 'why are you eating a nut?'
'because i want to. want some?' 'no, it's yucky (see a pattern here?!). what is it?' ' a walnut' 'hahaha you're eating a nut made out of walls' 'no jess it's a nut' 'what's it made out of?' 'nuts' 'why?' (luckily, she dropped a pea at this point as it's rather annoying having someone telling you your food is yucky at every mouthful and asking me so many questions) she found the dropping of peas and the bouncing they made on the floor funny...
'mum, why didn't you call me pea? i like peas. you should have called me pea'
'(under breath) oh sweet jesus' unbelievably, these have all been in the last hour or so. i'm tired. little jess needs to go to bed. you have to have her for 24 hours to undersand why i get so confused all the time... 9月18日 happy birthday kenny boy well tis the old man's bday today so HAPPY BIRTHDAY BABY XXXXXXXXXXX
he had his main pressie off me a couple of weeks ago ( watch, boring i know but too damn ££!!), so this morning i gave him wild hogs dvd and (he nearly lost) billy colloney tickets concealed carefully within his card. he also has a stuffed (personally by jessie) ghost coming to him laterf, shall be amusing!!!was going to do a surprise party for him at the weekend, but he now knows (for work etc, and yes, i am getting sick of ppl laughing at me. I TRIED), so he's having his mates over instead. (chuck them out in the garden with a few beers, lock the doors, then us girlies can chill...
 ) going to get him a birthday cake with candles (whooaa 45 this year!!!), but the damn shop has run out of holders (to many numbers you see!) so will have to hunt out some more!!i know i've been crap at keeping this up recently, but to be honest, i've been avoiding the old pc for ages now (well i can hardly have a go at ken then come on it myself?!!), but i shall give you a full run down v soon (and bugger me what a summer it's been!!!).
so till then, ttfn x 6月9日 so long, againok ok i am aware taht haven't been updating this a lot (ok, so long,), but been a busy bee!! Plus kinda not had the time etc...
sooo.
have just finished uni for the year (back in sept/oct) and am trying to learn the art of chilling (ready now jen...). spent the past month totally stressed (poor old kenny boy...) as all my assignment/exams were due at the same time (clever huh?!). i managed to get a fantastic grade in one of the so had a bit of a high!!! so, what's new here?
well, america is off (big old ong and boring story, but basically trying to make it hard for me to go with kids and co, visa's, me getting totally wound up, resulting in a 'fuck it'), so i had to fit in a placement over here instead. as i was coming to it 8 weeks late, this was no mean feat. however i did end up doing a placemnet at the uni in the research centre and was bloddy good!! (did do the 60 hours in under 2 weeks on top of everything else, so as you can imagine, i was soo nice to everyone!!!). i was under supervision from one of my tutors, and it was so nice to see her as herself and not as a tutor! i really clicked with her, and i think that made all the difference! turns out our kids know each other too!!! also met another lady (mature student) so we were able to have a good old bitch about students in general (well i was working on the student finance report!!). i'm glad i'm not the only one that think they've got it easy (some of the interesting things i discovered were that a lot of them get accomodation paid for and extra money from mummy and daddy, spend god knows how much on clothes and drink and then moan bout no ££. stupid barsteds!! really gets my goat up...i told my mum that she therefore has to pay for me to do everything -even though i've been living on my own for 11 years--she told me where to stick it!!!)
anyway, really enjoyed it, and i have been asked to come back and do a presentation in a couple of weeks. uh-oh!!!
what else... hhmm...went to see the ladyboys of bancock while they were in town for the btn festival. fucking amazing!!!! (must admit did spend the night fearing they would drag me up everytime they came near...there was a lot of audience participation...)
took the kids to the 'cirque de surreal'. wasn't really impressed by this one ( i loved the chinese state circus last year). there was a couple of good things but generally, a bit pants. granted there is no way i could have done what they do, but for a circus, was nothing spectaular (and being surreal, you'd expect that?!). was an extremely fit bloke there though...
got one of those over sized trampolines now (only took forever as ordered at easter!!) and the kids love it!!! angel can do flips now which was really funny watching her try at first!! so all my buddies out there with kids, come over. hell kids or no kids, it's amusing...
(sorry for a moan here buit just come on the news that paris hilton is back in jail. thank god for that. stuck up rich bitch, what the hell gives her the right to not serve her sentance? if she drinks and drives, bloody well should be locked up)
anyho, where was i?
hhmm, kids have been to various parties recently (i was beginning to think that everyone is born around the same time...) so i have actually started to talk to to her parents now (just as they come to leave the schools...)
oo oo. we have set the date. november 15th 2008, so have been thinking about that. i will get round to emailing everyone, but as it's so far away, thought best do it slightly nearer the time!!! we wanted to do it after i finish uni, and i wanted a couple of months to dedicate to it, and came up then (it is an important date to me, but will explain nearer the time!!!). so far, we have the rings (well, have had for years now!!) i have two hair bands for the girls, a tiara for me (although have no idea where it is), know who ia going to be matron of honour, know who is doing the dresses adn have narrowed down to 2 colours for bridesmaids. apart from that... have been making enquires into prices of venues and is bloody expensive!!!
oo got a job too!! how could i forget when i've only been there today?!! -- working with young offenders at an attendance centre (somewhere they get sent to every 2 weeks as a court order). it is quite a strange on one the old emotions, but i'm happy to be there (i am also so pleased as i was chosen!! ty for stephanie for putting it to me!)
had a bit of a problem with bullying at school (yet again). some little bitch slapped my angel the other day and ihave gopne off my nut. so hopefully this is sorted now. ggrr. makes me so angry that kids think that it is alright to do this kind of thing to each other. this is the same girl that tried to get her to smoke a few weeks ago ( i was expecting this at 14, but not 10), and she said no. i am so proud of that. so yeah, some little thug who thinks she's all that. how dare she do that. i have got the backing from some parents on this one too and have informed the school if this happens again (angel told me this has happened once before, the school knew and just told her to stay out of her way), i will take it further. it may seem extreme, bu tif i need to inform the police, then i will. this girl shouldn't be allowed to do it (will also make her mother think twice as she doesn't care...) ggrr
so, now with more time on my hands i can now be more sociable. i know i have been shit this year... so many reasons, but i would like to see everyone over the summer, and try to build those relations back up (as a mark of how shit i've been, i haven't even seen big jess for a month, and have only just spoken to her today after more than a week)... so, as a personal message to my buddies who wanna see us...can you please ring/text/email me when you're free and we will defo meet up!! all i plan on doing over the next few weeks is finishing unpacking/decortaing, and having a life. i feel so guilty for not getting in contact, so am leaving teh ball totally in your courts!!! hehehe
ok, my head is starting to hurt now, and i need to take the kids out (well as soon as little jess finishes her roll that she's had for an hour...)
big love to you allxxxxxxxxxxxx
oo big congrats to martine on the birth of finn!! (soz bout this week, and see you next x) 4月11日 Jessica is 4!!!!Just to say Happy Birthday to my baby Jessica who is 4 today!!!! hAVE A WICKED DAY PRINCESS xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx  4月8日 yeah yeahi know it's been a while, but i haven't been able to justify being on here until i get my work sorted!!! sooo, how's everyone been? i know i've talked to a few o you on msn, and again, please forgive me for not being on for long, but work calls...
we're all still trying to settle into the new house...still got boxes everywhere!!
hhmm, brief rundown...well, i'm still working hard at uni, panicking about everything (my god the work load has got harder!!!), busy losing weight...down one and half stones so feeling pleased, have totally changed everything i do in life...o.e. the things i eat, the things i do, even my thought processes...well, i had too, else gonna go stir crazy!!!
the old man has been working butt off here and at work. bless him, he's been trying to get the house sorted for us (for it was left in such a state).
angel is doing really well at school. she has just been doing an out of school learning program and passed with flying colours she also got into her frst choice of school which is excellent, and therefore will be entering her final term at junior school in the next few days...
little jess is also doing well!! we've been told that it is unusual to see such an assertive and head strong girl as her (considering!!) so we are really happy with her. she has taken over the roll of the popular girl at school which is excellent, and will be turning 4 on wednesday!!! OMG 4!!!
we have taken the girls to se variuos shows over the past few months, from ballet with mum (we do this every year, just the big girls!!), to tracey beaker... and best of all, me, ken, big jes and win went up to see nine inch nails last month. kin a!!!
but i think the best news is that my gorgeous sister is now pregnant!! YAY big fat CONGULATIONS to jess and win!!! (marmaduke anyone?) i am soo soo happy for them!!! (and really excited!! started with my knitting the moment she found out, so no doubt i'll be able to make a years supply by the time he/she arrives!!!) poor little jess can't quite get the concept of a baby that you can't see yet!!! i can't wait!!!
so yeah, things are going good. i shall update more often soon, but i don't feel i cna justify being on here for hours when i should be doing work instead (hark at me!!!) 12月26日 blog-a-lot, blog-a-notgood afternnon everyone. yes i am still alive. been back on line for a few days now, but hte computer is still playing up big time, so as soon as i've stopped breaking it, i'll be BACCCK (arnie style here...). i don't really want to type a whole load of stuff for the damn puter to freeze on me though... so till then, ttfnxxxxxxx 9月14日 a new house?good news! i've signed the contract, and we'll be moving on monday! up totally up to eyes in boxes (amazing how much stuff i have!), and will need to do a hell of a lot of work to the place before it is liveable. (the contractors did a real shoddy job, and there are a hell of a lot of holes everywhere), but still, you've gotta make a house a home. kinda of ironic that we are moving on monday-- it's ken's birthday! from what i can gather we will be off line for a bit, so if need to get in contact, text me for short term!
am going down the pub with jess tonight as will be the last time she can pop down after work as such. feel a bit sad as at the mo she only lives two seconds up the road, and we've always lived fairly near each other! i need to come back reasonably sober though as i need to catch the cats before i go to bed as we're sending them off to a holiday home for the weekend! lol.
right, shall be back on hopefully soon! wish us luck, and goodbye old house! 9月2日 i'm in troubleshhhiiiiiiit. i have just checked on line for the loans i am recieving and for some reason i appear not to be getting the childcare grant for jessie's nursery this year. that is nearly £6000 and i will be fuct. i am furious with this as if jess can't go, then uni is up shit creek so to say. typically when i had to fill out the new forms this year, they made it harder than ever, so i went down to the lea (local education authority) for help and was assured that everything was in order. fucking wankers. i am so screwed. oh yes the faith i have in the goverment and their offices... 8月31日 part foury'know, part 4 would kinda be depressing, so let's just say i went to see my gran, funeral went, well as well as can be expected... i have now regained contact with my aunt which is one good thing.
ok, the rest of august...
went out to support my bud doing djing, and considering the people there, i think she did really well (well done lauren!). was odd htough cos the last time i remember her doing that was about 10 years ago, and she used to hide me from all the leaches as the years!!! oh happy days! i also met the moon!! (finally!) i did have to poke him (just to make sure he was real!) (sorry bud!). it's weird when you've been chatting to someone for so long and then you meet them! must go for a proper drink though moon, would be cool!
the following week ken took me to london to see madonna. it was f ing a! i know it's not very rock and roll, but i have idolised her since i was a kid! i did find myself grinning like a cheshire, and jumping up and down all excited!!! cost an absolute bomb though, but i htink it was well worth it! she looked stunning (hope i look like that when i get to her age, hell i hope i look like that at 30!) and certainly knows how to perform and keep the crowd entertained. guess that's why they call her queen of pop huh? would so recommend to anyone to go and see her!!
we got a parking ticket on the way back though (which of course is double in westminster!), but i thank my lucky stars as on the way back we just missed a really bad accident. i think my gran was looking down on me!!
two of my buds have moved away. claire and eric have moved back to kent, and claire, mike, dino and sonny have moved up to claygate. claire brought dino adn sonny down to see us yesterday which was fabulous and jess loved it! i did pick up on how bossy she was towards dino though (he HAD to hold her hand!!). it was lovely seeing htem together though as they have known each other since tiny baby age!
my baby angel turned ten last week, which totally freaked me out! mum and i took her down to paint pottery which she really got into (i painted a vase with tigger on it of course!). we got her a camara, mp3 palyer and some clothes (jessie got her a panda necklace!) and my mother turned up with a MASSIVE panda (which she has not let go of!) WHY MOTHER WHY????!!!! we took her out for a meal in the evening and ken then tried to do some fireworks for her. only thin was they were the ones we were supposed to take to lauren's last year, so were a bit damp, therefore a bit shite! made some bangs and i stood there like a wimp with my fingers in my ears!!
we have finally been given a date to view the new house with the view to moving in on september 18th. that's all cool, but it's ken's brithday!! (save me buying a pressie!!). am soooo looking forwards to it! means people will have to come see me sa i will have a garden! (oi j, you too!).
took the girls to see cars last week at the pictures, which was surprisingly good! both of them loved it and i have had to go on a misson to find jess the book!
ken had his plaster taken off on tuesday, but has been tokld that it hasn't fixed so he has to go back in another 4 weeks for them to do something else. this is not good as he has been off work since april, and we kinda need the ££
apart from that, all i have done is go see people, drink lots of coffee, and gone to a few farms with my dad and the kids!! (ken managed to get a piglet lying on the floor showing off his belly to rub! ONLY HIM!!). best sod off now as, well i gotta. have been up before everyone today and am now feeling it!!
big love peepsxxxx 8月22日 angela is 10(having a break part 4 to come).
omg omg omg my baby is 10 today! that's a whole decade old. that's double figures!!! omg am i old enough to have a 10 year old? omgaaaaaaawwwwwwwwdddddddddd
happy birthday to my beautiful angel. i hope that you are having a wicked day, and remember just how much we all love you. i am so proud to be your mummy. all my love angelxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx  8月21日 part 3. the holiday.sorry bout that! right. the morning i was due to go on holiday, i found out my gran died. i'm thinking that's where i left this.
ok.
after talking to my ma, we decided that it still be best i go, as i felt that i couldn't let the girls down.
so i enter the world of spending the longest time with my dad in a row. ever. hhmm. let me set the scene. me, ken, kids, my pa, bro and stepmum, two weeks, caravan site (tg we had our own), cornwall.
so off we set, me in floods and very tired (i had got up v early to do the next on line sale when phone rang) to meet my dad half way at Seaton. when we got there he gave me a hug (this is the first time EVER i can remember him doing this), which set me off again! we took the kids on the old trams there, which was fairly amusing, as even angel had trouble getting upstairs on them (very very narrow small stairs). so you can imagine the problems i had with my big butt (no sniggers please). after this, we set off for cornwall. absolutly beautiful part of the country. we stayed on this site just outside of ST. Austell, which was a fairly good base point to go out from. the site was all lovely blah blah blah, only the bar didn't open until 6pm each day (and boringly shut at 11pm). well for the money paid (over 1g for 2 weeks, it could have been better).
hhmm (trying to think of what order things were done in...).
went to some beach (name escapes me) where the fasination of sand (down brighton you get pebbles...occasionally a small part of sand which everyone crowds around), soon wore off as the damn stuff got everywhere. i stayed put IN THE SHADE (i hate the hot sun ggrr) and i STILL managed to get really badly sunburnt. not impressed. i am still peeling nearly 4 weeks later... i watched a whole load of people sunbathing trying to figure it out. it is beyond me why you would want to spend hours cooking yourself for vanity's sake. those who know me know full well what i get like in the sun. bad headaches, dizzy, foul mood etc. not good.
the next day we walked from senen cove to lands end. what a bloody trek that was. i was determined to photo the girls by the famous landmark, but app they moved the damn thing, just so they can charge a tenner for a picture. damn cheek (got them to stand in front of the barrier instead!). again, beautiful scenery on the way there (just sooo hot!). i had to ring ma up from there though (not sure why, was a good idea at the time!).
(on another day) we went to the eden project. to be honest i thought i would (or at least the kids) would be bored shitless, but i was really surprised at how cool it was. i loved the 'bubble' areas, in particualar looking at the way all of my favourite fruit was grown. and i learnt something new. how do you think pinapples grow? from trees? well that's what i (and even my sis thought), but oh no. they grow in the ground with the spikey bits first... i also pinched a mint leaf to put in my purse (reminds me of my dad's house in worthing where he grew it), and was so tempted to pick the tomatos. they had a jungle theme going on in a kiddie craft place, which the girls really enjoyed. it was amazing to see all of the progress pictures from when they first built the place to now. highly recommend anyone to go.
i was determined to go to newquay zoo to see the zebras ( i love love love them. i love different sorts of animal patterns...so long as still on the animal... hence why tabbies). it was fabulous!! the zebras made my day! they shared their bit of land with mere cats (surprised at how small they were) which jess loved (she spent the rest of the day calling them beercats and insisted that i buy her one). there were also some ring-tailed lemurs which i LOVE!!! there were so many beautiful animals there, again, another place i would recommend.
ken decided one day that he wanted to go to Goonhilly. (if i get this right) this is the main satilite station in england that pioneered many things and even was the first place in uk to recieve pictures from overseas (usa). i didn't really get to see much, for just as we went on the tour of the grounds, jess chundered (in spectular style) EVERYWHERE. so yes. that was fun. my father also told me one to many times to control my kids, so i burst into tears (its funny how one sentence made me feel so inadequate).
one of my favourite places to go (apart from newquay) was tintagel castle. this is supposed to be the birth place of king arthur. it was a bit of a hike up there, but so worth it. ken took the kids off so i could have some time to think. it was such a special place, and i really felt the ages there. whilst i was watching accross at merlins cave, i found it in myself to write about my gran (i'd been trying to find something all week, and here it came to me!). it was such an amazing place. just a shame there were so many other people there as i would have loved to have spent the time there alone.
we took the girls up to bodmin to a railway where jess had a day out with thomas the tank. she loved it! refused to talk to the fat controller (was a bit overpowering though!) but was so enthralled at riding on thomas! i also discovered a pottery/candle/fudge place near by (which we did end up going to several times!) were angela threw a pot, i painted a cup, and jess painted a frog (she has got into all things frog, spec speckeled!). i have however purchased a rather large amount of candles for the new house, and enough fudge to be sick for a year!
we went to charlsetown shipwreck museum, which freaked me out. it was really dingy, but had so many artifacts on it, from so many shipwrecks. i was very eerie (bear in mind that i am extremely morbid right now!). the only thing i liked about htat is we saw the necklace 'heart of the ocean' that kate winslet wore in titanic. apart from that, i couldn't wait to get out of there!!
we went saw a lot of pretty fishing villages, including Looe (where angel went on a massive trampoline/bungy thing), pollperro (where we went on a horse and cart) mevagissuy and various others. it was just a shame though that they were trying to hard for hte tourist market. it would have ben nice to have seen them without all the gimmicks. i have also discovered a love of (real) cornish pasties. normally i can't stand pastry, but these were love-erly!!
loads of other things happened, but to be honest, can't remember a damn thing! all i know is i so wanted to grieve, but i had to put on a brave face as such, so not to dampen everyone's holiday. (i just wanted to crawl away and cry). i did find this extremely hard, as there is only so long you can be all 'happy happy joy joy' for! but hey!! had a few talks with my dad, some of which i am gald, some of which not. i think at the end of the day he needs to remember that i am the 'child' as such and he is the parent. i also find it very uncomfortable to answer questions about my mum, and their relationship (bearing in mind they split up 20 odd years ago). i don't think that it was fair to be placed in the situations i was put in. i also learnt a lot about my dad that i never knew (i have only spent a few hours at a time with him ever). some good. some not so good. i would like him to make a little bit more effort with the girls, but htis is something i need to talk to him about.
surprisingly i got on with mark (my 16yo brother) really well. he was taking a really good interest in getting to know the girls well too. i think what i have built up with my relationship with him has to be the highlight of my holiday. we also had to watch my dad flirt with some horrid horrid woman and it was scary. and the bitch was as nice as anything to my pa, but a rude cow to me!! GGRR!
righteo, that's enough for now, shall continue in few days, as feeling rather sick right now (damn bug) and i have to get things ready for tomo, for my angela is 10!!!
oo one final thing, when i said that i felt forgotton about on my bday, of course i didn't mean ken, my ma, my sis etc. also ty to loz and angel!!
oo oo and one more final thing...lol
during me being away, two of my friends POPPED!! hahaha
would just like to say congrats to cheryl, joe, jess and layne on the arrival of alina (what a beauty, just like her ma huh?!).
also a massive congrats to chloe and ellie on the arrival of benjamin (can't wait to meet him. missed ya babes!). am totally jealous of you both, but i wish you all the love and fortune in the world for the wee ones.
oh god, one more thing (promise). mahussssive thanks to jess for looking after the cats/house while we were away. the cats haven't beeen the same since (jack had a strop on when i got back and growled at me...soon shut him up, and star won't stop singing at me...). ty babes, iou!!!
ttfn peepsxxxxxxx
(just think, 10 years ago i was in labour...) 8月17日 part 2. brave new me.right, so where did i get too?
ah yes, i forgot to mention (did in the first that vanished, but hey ho) when we were down on the hen night, they were filming for a show on channel 4 (due sept time) called the crippendales. they are the disabled answer to the chippendales. basically these guys have got together to show that no matter what disability people have (be it blind, wheelchair bound etc) they can still do, and indeed have as much right, to do the things that the 'perfect' people do (by perfect, i mean the whole perfect body, looks etc. you know the sort that makes us all sick!). i think watching them was the highlight of my night, because albeit they were good, the normal strippers, hmm, well i felt to vain. but then i suppose you have to be in that job. but these guys, well, they had bollocks (shut up, cos there is no pun intented here), to do what they did. i mean, there is no way on earth i would get up and strip on stage (kennyboy, pick yer tongue up), spec not the size i am at mo! so yeah, massive well done to them! (bit worried that after reading this, my mate rob will decided to stop running people over and chair strip... love ya really babes!).
after the set we were approached by channel 4 to look at some 'toys' and laugh at them. (well, we were pissed!) so the 3 of us, being confused, did so... it was only the next morning it dawned on me, that as part of the program, they might cut it to look bad. why would they want us to laugh? i know i'm being paranoid (yeah yeah as usual) but i don't want anything bad...
anyway. i took a major step in my life mid july. i got a phone call saying that my gran was in hospital. i haven't seen her in a few years, as due to my past. it took all the guts to go up and see her, but we did. i didn't recognise her as she had aged imensly, and and was so frail. when i asked her if she knew who i was, she replied (quite sarrcy) 'of course i do darling!' made me cry! anyway, it took a lot for me to go and see her (if you knew the background, you would sooo understand why). well, when we were sitting there in the hospital, the 'wanker from my childhood' came in (yes yes long story, but they are still together). no bearing in mind that the last time i saw him was as i was giving evidence against him years ago, i was in a state of shock. i knew tht it could happen, but as far as i was concerned, i needed to go see my gran. it felt so weird, cos as i was sitting there staring at him (again odd as i can't even associate with things that are similar, ie name etc) watching him sobbing and realising how old he was (i also think he was in shock, cos obv he wasnt expecting to see me there!), i realised that i now had the power. that little girl who he had hurt so much was now a strong woman. i still felt a lot of anger and rage, but i realised that he couldn't hurt me anymore. there is no way i can ever forgive or forget, but i have been set free as such. and what's more, he knew it. i dont think he'll ever fuck with me again! i guess it is so strange facing the thing that scares you the most. very empowering though.
i was very very glad to have made my peace with my gran, and tell her that i do love her, for as i was walking away, i had this gut feeling that it would be for the last time.
she died just over 12 hours later at 6.15am.
i knew it. i f ing knew it.
i have spoken to my mum in great lenght about this, and i do believe she was waiting to make peace with us so she could go.lad i was given the time to tell her all about the girls, ken, what's been happening, and show her photos. (sorry tears going here). she died on 22nd july, the day i was due to go on holiday. i spoke to mum, and she told me to go anyway. i found this really hard as i just wanted my mum. but i had to put on a brave face, and in turn i was unable to grieve for two weeks. i think this has messed me up in more ways than i'd like to think, as curremtly i am a mess. jess was on holiday the week before me, so as i would usually turn to her (yes of course ken as well), it was hard knowing what to do.
ok, i'm getting way to upset now, so i best go and complete this, yet again, later...
apologies for this being a heavy one 8月15日 part one. the good, bad and sad...Well, here I try again to write this damn blog…
Right, to the journey that has again been my life. Let’s start back in may. I can’t deal with writing this out in full again, so here’s the brief. Someone very close to me lost their baby at 26 weeks gone. It was a deeply upsetting time for the parents as well as all of us around. I think you can understand as to why I haven’t been around for a while, as I have been devoting my time to supporting them. Seeing tiger-lillie lying in her mother’s arms was the most terrifying thing I have ever seen. Watching the grief on her face weeks later at the funeral was the most upsetting thing. I guess I am saying this as there is a point I would like to get across. If you, or indeed anyone you know, are pregnant, and don’t feel the baby move, FFS get to the hospital ASAP. It is not worth waiting to see if it gets better, or whatever. Please please take this importantly. If you have seen what I have seen, and dealt with what I have, you will so understand. It is not worth the risk. Trust me. Tiger 28/5/06 r.i.p little lady.
Sorry, just wanted to get that out the way. Right, let’s fast forwards to the end of june. Jess and I took donna out for her hen/21st down at the Adonis caberet. Bloody expensive, but totally worth it! Hhmm… what do you get if you have a room full of women, lots of naked men, lots of drink and a drag queen Bloody painful ears that’s what!!! (oh and me and jess cringing…) It was a good show and one point they got all the hens up on stage to lap dance one of the strippers. And donna, being donna, placed tongue straight on to his nipples… omg we didn’t know where to look!!! But still, we all got rather rat arsed and by the end of the night had to cling on to the fairy wings (jess thought it would be a good idea to wear them…). Think it really cheered donna up which considering the previous month, job well done! (see photos). Donna also decided to adopt me as her big sister too!
The following week was race for life. Someone funny decided to make this the hottest day EVER. We were so not amused. We finished in about 50mins (can’t remember now!) and together raised over £200. not bad going. There was however no shade, no toilets and no where to hide. By the end of it we were both pouring with sweat (and you know what my pet hate is…) and really red faced, but WE DID IT!!! (see photo…)
Poor old ken was in hospital so loved it when I turned up to see him.
The very next day was my birthday. Oh deep joy. Yes on the 2/7 I turned 26. (I swear to god wrinkles appeared overnight…). This was such a fantastic day for me, as not only was ken in hospital (yes finally having the op on his wrist re april), angel was at her dads, and near enough everyone bloody forgot. I felt so damn loved! (many ty’s to those who did remember though!). normally, I love birthdays, but this year, I did not. Have decided to try and celebrate it with angela this month as hers is on the 22nd (shite, best go get some pressies for her!). jen, bless her, has got a bottle of bubbly for me sitting in her fridge, but I haven’t been able to see her yet!
Oo oo, also did the rest of my exams, and found out that I had passed this year! Tfft! Got mostly B grades, so they made up the last module with mit circ. I am so relieved! Does mean that I do not have to do any resists!!!
We did angela’s bday party in july too (I always do this early cos of holidays etc). one room, 40 kids, no air con, and windows shut… oh yes, that was fun!! It was loud, but it was so nice seeing her being a kid and running around with her mates. (massive ty to big jess for helping!). pete and heidi turned up on their bikes which she loved! She was also very please to boast that half the airborne were there!!! Bit pissed off with her father though, as he turned up for all of two mins then left telling her that he didn’t want to stay as she was being to naughty. I just thought it was so nice seeing her being a kid, spec after recent times. But hey ho, his loss. She came home with bags of pressies which I have told her she is not allowed to open until her real birthday (this time next week…). We did have to move the choccies into the fridge though as started to melt (and I haven’t touched them!!!).
We’ve been offered a house now (yay at long last!). all I know is where it is (quiet area tg). Bit gutted that it’s not nearer my ma, but at least we got one! It’s got a massive garden and is in a close, so that means that should be safer for the girls. also backs onto a field . Thought this would be great till ken started having a laughing fit saying that it is really funny that we are moving by a field when I suffer really bad hayfever. And yes, it is REALLY bad. Yeah, I found that funny. So funny. i. think. Not. Only thing is it needs a lot of work doing to it, so there is no date for when we can move in. (or even look at it). But it has my dinning room!!! YAYYYY!
right. that'll do for now as got square eyes. also ken has just got up and really need him to remove something rather unpleasant from the front garden... also gotta go get ready for we are off to see madonna tonight! shall finish this soon... ttfn xxxxxx
7月7日 blah blahyes i've been shit in this, but have had some major things this past month. shall update you all this week--promise. so you can look forwards to all sorts from birthdays (mine last sunday i'll have you know), deaths, operations, charity do's, hen nights and many drunken ramblings. shall be here soon. xxxx 6月2日 tiger-lillie i can not express what has happened this week to someone very close to me. i would like to take this time to honour and respect tiger-lillie and place my thoughts with those whom i have been with. thank you so much for letting me share your intimate moment and meet your daughter. may she rest in peace and go play with the angels!!! lots of love to you all, as ever, from me and mine.
 for everyone else, go spend and value time with your kids. trust me, they are more precious than we'll ever know. 5月26日 3 weeks in maymy my my what a busy chick i've been! evening peeps how's you all? i'm getting really crap on this keeping up to date thing eh?! right...
ok, May...
during the month of may i have seen giant pink/purple/blue/green/yellow things, people kicking ass, my sister prozzying herself, cakes, red and much much more **rubs hands together**
took the girls to see the Fimbles a couple of weeks ago. We were right up front so they looked like giants to Jess! surprisingly i really enjoyed it! (shows my mental age eh?!) Was a bit surreal for me, let alone the kids! still they had a blast, and was much more interactive than winnie the pooh last year!
last week we went to the chinese state circus. it was f ing a! they had the shaotu (sp? moon?) warriors kicking butt too! it was a brilliant show and i would highly recommend anyone to go and see it! we saw the moscow one a few years ago, but this one is sooo much better! it was full of loads of **wows** and amazing things which you had to see to believe. shall defo go again if back next year!
right. my sister. ok, so up there it doesn't sound so good, so i best explain...lol
ken and i went to see her in a play last week where for a better life she was offering herself. believe me twas a shock to see my lovely sis acting like, um, a, um, whore?! (just shows what a fab actor she is huh?!) was so nice to do something different as well! took me all week to realise that it was for brighton festival...doh!!
may seems to be a major busy month (all seem to be two days apart) for birthdays, so shall do all at once (hope you all got your cards and stuff), so happy bday toooo
faith, little lauren, starlett (my puddy cat is now 1!), pete, angel, martine, josee and in advance for next week my kid bro mark who will be 16! and jennifer on monday-- happy birthday peeps X
leading on from birthdays, we went to faith's party. was lovely seeing all the kids together! jessie ate so many sweets (v unusual, as you know i have turned into my ma, and she never has them!) that she chundered most amazingly as soon as we got back! still the cake was yu-um-my!! jen also found some photos of my 21st which was (to her and ken) highly amusing. yes, it did include the stripper...
jen kinda made me try on her corset and fm it looked cool! only prob is we couldn't get to a certain angle with a clip, so everyone (including ken and paul, i shall die of embarrassment later) had a good old tug... in the end, i had to lie on her bed, with her ummm, straddling me, to get it off. funny how the lads suddenly appeared in the doorway! but ty hun, did give me that boost of confidence!!
also went to see pete, and the girls gave him a toy donkey which he lurved!!! (see previous blog!)
this month i also saw red. angel recieved a text message from her dad's ex (yes the one who claims to be 'more like her mum than me') uberbitch, hereafter known as spanish bitch (nothing against spanish before anyone starts, but she is spanish, and she is a major bitch) saying how much she misses her etc.
so my daughter texts her back (off her own back) saying that as she'd been nasty to her (angel's) family, she didnt want anything more to do with her (yes, those of you close to me know exactly the 'oh so nice' things she has said to my daughter about me, and she has also been slating her father off). to which this silly tart totally denies it. anyho, i managed to get hold of her msn page (not hard when all you need to do is google her email addy) and 'poof' up pops her page. and i spy over 80 photos of angela on it (that had been recently put up, after she'd split up from her dad). so i texted her from angel's phone, asking her politely to remove them (i can put photos of MY kids up, so can her dad, but her? no inappropriate). she must have thought it was her dad that had texted her, as she sstarted sending him nasty texts. as soon as she realised that it was me, she wrote a whole long long tedious 'feel sorry for me blog'
basically she moaned that she had done nothing wrong, and then ---wait for it-- really really slates me. (maybe she thought i wouldnt be able to understand, but doh, my mum is a translator...). the pleasent things she said (not that she was being horrid mind, ) included how she had always tried to get on with me, but i wouldnt try back (well would you get on with the person who abducts your child...), how i am a monster psudeo mother, i am the devil incarnate (it that right ma?), how i sell my child (??? yeah bit confused myself), i always abandoned her to go out (umm, so where was the baby then.. must have missed that one), she is a better mother to her than me, she is her mother (bugger me, i thought i gave birth), angel would be better off without me (umm yeah, this is the kind of thing you say about a child you 'love' mum). if i wasnt around, she would have had a better chance with her dad (umm, yeah cos like i havent been in a new relationship with someone else for 5 years...) and my favourite...
if she could make it possible for me to lose custody of my daughter, she would.
well bugger me.
see why i went f ing up the wall?
now you may be wondering (or not!) what i've done to her...
the answer... FUCK ALL. all i did was ask her to remove photos of MY daughter off her website. hmm. bitch? yup. (sorry i know i went on then, but she has soooo got on the wrong side of me. silly girl. i promise you that she will regret doing that. one rule that people should remember is never fuck with a mother regarding her kids. wrong move bitch).
 have yet to tell my sis about this yet. that should be fun. she's already gunning for her after the last time! have mentioned it to a couple of ppl, and fm, even more pissed than me!!!anyway enough of that bitch!
have now offically ended all lectures for this year. got my two essays in just on time. had to do some group work last week. the first group (essay) was fine as everyone pulled their weight, but the second... i did the work for one section, and the girl presenting it (all she had to do was read exactly what i had put) fluffed it up. ffs that grrd me!
i have two exams next week, and then i'm done for year one (feel quite sad!). i do have to retake an exam in the summer though, but cos i've got mitagting circ, it wont affect me).
supposed to be taking the girls out to durzillas (sp) zoo on monday for jennifer's birthday (i'm having angel spec for the day-- told you things have improved!). neill is coming as well (jane's ex, jane is jen's ma) with his new girlf and her kid. hmm. gawd i hope it goes ok!!!
have gotten out of seeing mark next week for his bday, as i have an exam on that day. shame.
anyway, i have rattled on and on again. now i have to throw the kids in bed and get ready for tv time.
cos yes, my friends. big brother is back. YAYYYYY. i loooove it! this year, i shall be backing pete, and slapping nicky.
oooo
should also be going to a rally tomo, but if it's raing, uh uh nope, not with the kids...
right ttfnxxxxxxxxxx 5月14日 michiganomg have just checked my emails and found out that i have got into michigan university for next year. only 10 have been accepted, and i'm 1! omg omg omg i dunno what to do. this would be such a fantastic opp for me (nearly all psychology research is done in usa) but after recent events, i dunno. it will be for 6 weeks next june, but omg omg omg omgggggggg help please... 5月4日 Gallybaggerevening peeps, did you miss me? lol yerrr i know! for once i have actually been away! no computer, no tv, nada...
right, first off a mahusive HAPPITY BIRTHDAY to my good bud moon (sorry this is late, but see above...) i hope you had a fab one and didn't get turned down by too many girlies...**whistles** went by a road called half moon lane and thought of you (not sure if that is a compliment so work with me here) big fat kisses to you babes from me and mine XXXX.
right, have spent a rather long weekend over on the Isle of Wight. we decided to take the girls to the gurt gallybagger rally (yeah odd name). and they frigging loved it! did all of the driving, which was hilarious (he is such an annoying passenger). trying to go dead slow on the ferry was worth it in itself... (didn't get too lost though)
was great to catch up with everybody too. i found it really nice that when watching the lads, they were all keeping an eye on the girls, and if anyone dared to go near them, they surrounded them. twas v reassuring!!
we have asked pete and marc to be godfather (s) so there was plenty of jokes all round (guess you had to be there!). it was an easy thing to decide, seeming as i trust no one at the moment, and i know how much the girls mean to them, and how they would do anything for them (i think i even spied a watery eye or 2..).
angel spent most of the weekend trying to convince marc to give her money for choccie (and he only did on the last night thank god!) and beated poor neill up (umm sorry bud...), where as jessie spent the weekend being tormented by pete (they have developed a joke as when he came round once, she was playing with a toy donkey, so he called her donkey, she keeps saying that's not kind, you're the donkey and it goes from there!), so much so that when we actually saw a donkey, she told me its name was pete. classic!! she also managed to gain a toy rat (very cute and cuddly) off a biker in the beer tent! he said she could have it, so long as she looked after it, but then walked away in tears (yes a full grown big bad biker...).
on the sunday we went to blackgang chine which is an adventure park thing of sorts...
the girls loved it, i loved it, the old man, well... i suppose it was a lot of walking about for someone with a broken bone in his foot...
monday we went to sandown zoo and OMG i saw sooooo many tigers (and a beautiful white one). they were amazing (and you know how much i love tigger!). there were also lions, leopards and lemurs (of which i somehow managed to make shriek). they were so so gorgeous, and i was so glad to have seen them, but i coudn't help feel guilty for doing so, as the poor sods should be out in the free.
i have got tons of photos to put up from this weekend, but still cant seem to attach them to blog...
i am really proud of myself. even after being in the beer tent with everyone else smoking, i still had none! that was damn hard! i kept looking at jane (who decided to chain) thinking 'hhmm would take me all of 2 seonds to ask for one'. very proud is me!!
i did feel really 'oohhh' when i saw the club ride off on the bikes and we were in the car. its not quite the same...
ty to jess for looking after the cats. i have got something for cake as a ty to you!!
have spent the rest of the week trying (and not succeeding) to catch up on all of my uni stuff. i have got so many assessments and exams coming up in the next few weeks, i'm not sure what to do...
anyho, dinner is burning (yet again) and eastenders has just started (ah shut up).
soooooo big love, and dont forget
CLICK ON THE LINK FOR RACE FOR LIFE AND SPONSER USSSSSSSS ty!!! 4月26日 race for liferight, am doing this and want your money.
pmsl.
no seriously, i do.
so c'mon, hop on over and sponser me pleaseeeee.
tanking yousxx 4月25日 strange?ok, so all be it i'm like majorly late (yes again) i have been tagged by the moon. not sure if i understand this one or not, but here goes!!
The first player of this game starts with the "6 weird things/habits about yourself." people who get tagged need to write a blog of their 6 weird habits/things, as well as state this rule clearly. At the end you need to choose the 6 people to be tagged and list their names. Don't forget to leave a comment that says "you are tagged" in their comments section and tell them to read yours. And also you can't tag the person who tagged you!
...well, suffering from ocd seems to mean that i could fill this up over and over, but i shall try to stick with the 'odd' ones maybe?!! hhmm... right, 1) i am addicted to cleaning my ears. have no idea why, but would quite happily do this countless times a day (why does that look odder when written?!)
2) i ALWAYS have to have the last word. this is just because it's me. this is a fact, that love me or hate me, as soon as you get to know me, you just let me (much easier that way).
3) talking to (and i suppose if i'm honest), treating jack and starlett like they are humans. i find it very relaxing to tell them of my day and to ask them their advice. they also love to be cuddled as if they were babies. i swear they understand what i say to them (star even answers back...)
4) going off track... now this one bugs me. i have a tendency to start jibbering away, on and on and on and on and on and before i know it, we're several hours later...
5) being blonde. now this can cover a variety of things, but i suppose the one of the day (at the moment) is being so damn forgetful. words can totally escape me. in line with point 4, i can be chatting away, and before i know it, i have totally forgotten what i have said. literally the lsat thing that came out of my mouth. this one really bugs me, and strangly enough, it's the one that every one else finds amusing...
6) being too damn nice. now this is my biggest downfall. don't get me wrong, this can be a good thing, but this quality seems to get me hurt a lot. i think recent events have shown this. nuff said...
ok, i tag... tweek, cheryl, jose, mark (ice), loz and my angel.
right, did i do it right? i could have gone on and on but hey... i thought my 'rituals' would be v boring, so not sure if this lot makes sense. oh hell jibber jibber again...
oo one final thing i would like to say today... ty all for last week. **hugs** and ty tweek for the card, she loves it!!! she came and threw her arms around me and asked when she could see you!! ty!! right, best go turn the oven off as all i can smell is the damn jackets (yes, j bird, i am FORCED to eat them...)
oo right, final last thing, promise... i stated on my last blog that the old git had no broken bones. this is not true!! now, 2 weeks after, he is in plaster (just the right arm) as funny fracture thingys. ggrr. bloody men... 4月11日 HAPPY 3rd BIRTHDAY JESSICAhappy birthday to my beautiful baby girl jessica annora.
omg, i can't beleve it!!! a whole 3 years!!!
well, she woke up all excited this morning asking if it was her birthday, then took what felt like forever to eat her brekkie so she could open a couple of pressies! must admit, she seemed more interested in the balloon we got her!!! we're goning ot pick her up early for nursery today and go up the devil's dyke for dinner (as that is where i went into labour!).
so i spent the night making fairy cakes and a big blue cake for school... interesting!!!
i also spent the night looking after ken. why? i hear you ask?
well the silly old bugger had a bike accident yesterday.
yes that's right...another one (18 months to the hour of the last one!). i thought i'd managed to get rid of him for the afternoon with pete so i could get down to work, and then i get the phone call (at least he rang me this time). as he was coming down the a29 (think) into newhaven, a driving instructer turned right (without looking) and bang...
so he has an oh so sexy almighty bruise on his ankle, his wrist strapped up, as well as tons of other cuts/scrapes/bruises. no broken bones though-this time.
but my poor bike. has a great big dentin the tank. not amused.
means i now have to do all the driving (i don't mind) and he is such a horrible passenger. so lucky for me i gotta drive up to london on thursday. normally i drive up there and we swap once there, but nooo not this time. mind you, mum hsa said to me in the past if you can drive in london, you can drive anywhere. i just hate the damn place. too busy!!!
silly bloody sod.
didn't get the house. getting really pissed off now as i'm getting my hopes up so much now. still, i've been told that as we're coming second, it shouldn't be long!!!
anyho, shall be back later as i have been tagged by my delightful moon again!!!
for now, i need to go and wrap up a washing machine, shoes and some bratz....
HAPPY BIRTHDAY BABY GIRL. I LOVE YOU ALL THE WAY TO THE MOON AND BACK XXXXXXXXXXXXXX |
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